Fragile Masculinity and Pseudo-feminism in this Digital Vortex
A date with a Vampire
I recently contemplated going on a date with a feminist, not a regular feminist, a “real” one who has studied Gender studies and has all these new words she wants to impress people with. I just imagined how it would have gone, a beautiful car crash no doubt, my big mouth would have landed me in trouble. Even though I would be trying my best not to offend her, my very existence would be an offence. I liked the old feminism that blamed Old Racist Sexist White Men, but today I am the enemy and it is hard to understand. You cannot avoid offending, offence is currency, it is a valuable commodity to have your feelings hurt, you search for offence in every word people say in order to advance your argument.
She would think along the lines of
“The nauseous stink of patriarchy dripped from his body like a cheap perfume, he kept denying me agency by talking too much. He kept mansplaining his misogyny oscillating between his narcissistic patriarchal male gaze and virtue signaling. Displaying deep transphobic, homophobic, woman-hating and victim-blaming. A typical Cishet, repressed manbaby with fake woke bropriating of Feminism.”
I could write a short play about it, it would be a comedy, just the ridiculousness of it would be hilarious. Like watching a new doctor fresh out of medical school diagnoses people passing by “Excuse me!! You have endometriosis!” The old feminism was about changing institutions and structures, this 3rd wave is the Mind Police, trying to change how you think, calling you out on things you wouldn’t expect.
Brittle and not fragile
As ridiculous as 3rd Wave Twitter feminism is, we also have to admit our failures as Males, they say we are emotionally fragile but I think it is more like Brittle. Fragile breaks easily, brittle is hard to a point but when it shatters it is complete. I said males not men, for it is a wider problem in nature. Think about it, everywhere in nature, males draw lines and hide behind them, the stake out territory, defend it with their lives and they think this is safety. There is a male rat somewhere warning other rats not to cross the line, I see cockroaches fighting in my store-room so they must be male and all over the animal kingdom is the same. Even though we are civilized and supposedly socially evolved, we males still have that mindset, we treat our beliefs with the same way we treat territorial disputes, thou shalt not cross. We think we are protecting our ground but we are really limiting ourselves from a beautiful life existence. In trying to protect our egos, myths and dogmas, we are breaking from within. You see this everyday with men hiding behind a wall in your mind, but the wall is imprisoning you. We see the mass-shootings, terrorism, suicides, drug-addiction like opiates, there are statistics to prove this in most countries. The changing gender roles have left men not knowing where they stand, so we cling to past norms to have a sense of place, people need to know where they stand for good or bad but the answer is not clear. We are trying to create this gender-neutral world where we try to limit masculinity to create fairness. A man has a genetic need to provide, we can’t give birth, we can’t breastfeed, we can’t nurture as well as a woman, so we compensate by “Providing” putting food on the table. When I was 13 I got a small job and came back home flush “What’s for dinner, Beans? No I want meat.” Dropped a 5k and the room almost fainted. “So you’re a Man now?” I nodded. I had never felt so good till then.
An example of steel
All through history we tried to perfect iron smelting, trying to purify it down to the purest form, to remove all imperfections. We tried smelting it at higher temperatures, but even when we got to 100% iron it still broke. The answer was counterintuitive, to add a weaker metal, zinc, and add impurities, carbon, and we had steel. Thus the industrial revolution was born, we could finally span steel bridges across vast expanses, the railways, the industry, all came from that. Likewise, when we look at masculinity, we have tried to distil it to its essence, to make it more pure thinking it be stronger. This only increases the breaking threshold but it doesn’t stop it from breaking. We fear being judged for being less masculine so we project a brittle form of ourselves. When women break, they deal with it themselves, when men break they do irreparable damage. It is not because of hate, or misogyny, or patriarchy, it is because we have not equipped them emotionally to cope with the world. Instead of fixing our emotions, we desire power to compensate for our lack of emotional depth. Being soft will make us strong, madness, but it’s true, to inject some softer metals will make us harder metals. It will make us harder but flexible, and flexible enough to understand the other point of view and to put ourselves in their shoes.
I imagined what it was like to be a woman and I asked my friends as we sat by a lake “Imagine what it’s like to be a woman. What kind of woman would you be?” Funny answers “I’d be a slut.” And “I’d be a lesbian” and “I’d get me a rich man and chill” but then we went deeper. I said “Imagine you’re a woman who had to sleep with her boss to keep her job just to feed her kids and keep them in school or sh’d be sacked.” Whispers of empathy but shrugging of “that’s the way it is.” Then I switched it. “Picture your boss was a 50-something woman, not your type at all, different generation, but she told you to sleep with her or lose your job? Would you do it?” Blood drained from their faces just thinking about it. You see the daily calculations women have to make for their physical and economic survival, from the choice of clothes you wear, the time and what areas you frequent, the friends who can rape you if left alone but are “nice guys.” That empathy is lacking in us.
Slay Queen Feminism
Nothing has done more to alter human relations in such a small time as Social media, it has distorted reality beyond recognition, it has even become the Real Reality. This Radical 3rd Wave feminism has merged with social media producing a hybrid monster. Slay Queen Feminism, so Bae, where vanity meets insecurity. The 21st Century feminist twerks her ass off on Instagram, hungers for the approval of the very men who oppress her, Hashtag feminists crying about how f***boys are not faithfull, the clue is in the name. It breeds this aesthetic of a powerful glamorous woman “Slay Queen” without active power, just looking powerful and slaying. This radical queer theory meets glossy airbrushed model chic is killing feminism, pick a struggle, you cannot be shallow and deep at the same time. The idea of “Intersectionality” is also problematic, to lump a bunch of groups together makes you bigger in number but dilutes the message. The same way Socialists railed against “Capitalist Imperialist Fascist reactionary counter-revolutionaries” today we hear “Racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, patriarchal hegemony” and I’m like “What?” Intersectionality works both ways, gay people can be racist, women can be racist or homophobic. Another pet peeve of mine is this POC thing, I am no longer black, I am a Person of Colour, to lump blacks with all the other non-white people. White people are a minority globally, around 10% so for me to define myself in opposition to them is giving white people even more power over me. A lot of this is just identity politics, finding ways to divide society to get more votes.
So should we stop being men? Should we be more feminine? Should we start painting our nails and wearing dresses? No. I loved an interview with French women about #MeToo. “We want men to still be men, just don’t harass us. You can still be men without raping. We don’t mind men being macho just don’t assume know how we feel. Read the signs, but don’t cross the line.” So many of my friends are scared to even touch a woman now, we have become like the Taleban in separating sexes to avoid offence. Overall, #MeToo has been good for starting the conversation about sexual harassment and abuse of male power. It seems every woman has a story to tell, so if 3.5bn women are saying something then we must listen. Don’t engage these angry feminist types, the ones using big words to scare you, the ones who fought against being labeled only to produce a whole dictionary of labels themselves. Those do not want dialogue, they want confrontation and anger, when people are using such verbal acrobatics to avoid real debate, they just want to get caught up in definitions so as never to deal with the matter. If someone called a chair – a sitting devise, to call it a chair is discrimination against stools, then they are just trying to be obtuse. Find a feminist who speaks English, who lives in the real world, and deals with real people.